IXTAB (*Colonized Translation*)

*Dual curved top end then wrapped under *
 
She comes to me most nights
I was terrified at first but she gave me no reason to fight 
She taught me a language that only her and I know how to write
She penned me an incantation 
For what , I was not sure but I accepted based off an inclination
Hope rarely comes for the destitute
And my life is a saga of ill repute
 
*pinch three in the middle*
 
She touched me no differently than I have been touched before
Yet somehow she knew everything about me
every transgression, every sin , every fragmentation
She unlocked everything I hid, even what I didn’t know I buried
She felt my brow 
Her touch felt dry and callused
odd at first but to me it didn’t matter
she was all I could see and she clearly came for me
 
*wrap it around the top then back under*
 
She forced eye contact 
Not from restraint rather threw unadulterated indulgence 
The serenity contained within her gaze made me feel what it’s is like to love myself 
which in turn was everything I was chasing 
All the suffering I had to endure 
She made it ok , I begged of her inject me with the cure 
Though the feeling is only momentary I always needed more
 
 
*wrap around 6 more times*
 
She is gone before dawn 
like a man possessed by lust 
days became unbearable and nights pass in flashes
For her I couldn’t get enough
I tore at wounds 
 I cut into anything left
Just to get her to let me feel her touch
Like the Madonna she would heal me as if I were worth her embrace
it didn’t matter to her that I was a fucked up disgrace
 
*Then feed it back through me*
 
Her icy hands burned as she reached into my chest , they slid through my gaping wounds from a life lived with judgment , shame and guilt 
she felt my agony 
she wrapped her fingers around it and flooded me with empathy,
I held that feeling for moment, 
like a child clutching a blanket
it reminded me of what makes me human 
what makes me have value
Night after night she spends hours finding the parts of me lost within my Consciousness 
Stitch by stitch, her hands weaved peace and wellness through my pain 
Time and severity of injury were no issue 
She patiently reconnected more than just the damaged tissue 
She bonded the psychological with the physical 
 
*Slip me on and pull me over *
 
My desire for her to complete the omen
it’s all I fantasized about 
They always try to warn you
But they haven’t felt her 
They haven’t needed more
I pulled her on top of me 
She kissed deep and with intention 
Her tongue was a conduit of languages and hieroglyphics
Yet No words just two bodies communicating by touch 
Inside one another She let me feel her warmth
It hurt at first, burned, like to be touched by the sun
I tried to adjust, I needed to make space 
But she persisted and barred down 
the rhythm sped and intensified 
pulsating heart rates, two spirits writhing in unison
I struggled to catch my breath
Until finally intense orgasmic release  
 
*feel me tighten as you pull away*
 
The pain of yesterday, a life’s worth of burden fades into stillness
 
*Sway sway *
 
I don’t exist to die 
I am dying to exist 
 
*sway sway*
*sway sway*