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IXTAB (*Colonized Translation*)

10/30/2019

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*Dual curved top end then wrapped under *
 
She comes to me most nights
I was terrified at first but she gave me no reason to fight 
She taught me a language that only her and I know how to write
She penned me an incantation 
For what , I was not sure but I accepted based off an inclination
Hope rarely comes for the destitute
And my life is a saga of ill repute
 
*pinch three in the middle*
 
She touched me no differently than I have been touched before
Yet somehow she knew everything about me
every transgression, every sin , every fragmentation
She unlocked everything I hid, even what I didn’t know I buried
She felt my brow 
Her touch felt dry and callused
odd at first but to me it didn’t matter
she was all I could see and she clearly came for me
 
*wrap it around the top then back under*
 
She forced eye contact 
Not from restraint rather threw unadulterated indulgence 
The serenity contained within her gaze made me feel what it’s is like to love myself 
which in turn was everything I was chasing 
All the suffering I had to endure 
She made it ok , I begged of her inject me with the cure 
Though the feeling is only momentary I always needed more
 
 
*wrap around 6 more times*
 
She is gone before dawn 
like a man possessed by lust 
days became unbearable and nights pass in flashes
For her I couldn’t get enough
I tore at wounds 
 I cut into anything left
Just to get her to let me feel her touch
Like the Madonna she would heal me as if I were worth her embrace
it didn’t matter to her that I was a fucked up disgrace
 
*Then feed it back through me*
 
Her icy hands burned as she reached into my chest , they slid through my gaping wounds from a life lived with judgment , shame and guilt 
she felt my agony 
she wrapped her fingers around it and flooded me with empathy,
I held that feeling for moment, 
like a child clutching a blanket
it reminded me of what makes me human 
what makes me have value
Night after night she spends hours finding the parts of me lost within my Consciousness 
Stitch by stitch, her hands weaved peace and wellness through my pain 
Time and severity of injury were no issue 
She patiently reconnected more than just the damaged tissue 
She bonded the psychological with the physical 
 
*Slip me on and pull me over *
 
My desire for her to complete the omen
it’s all I fantasized about 
They always try to warn you
But they haven’t felt her 
They haven’t needed more
I pulled her on top of me 
She kissed deep and with intention 
Her tongue was a conduit of languages and hieroglyphics
Yet No words just two bodies communicating by touch 
Inside one another She let me feel her warmth
It hurt at first, burned, like to be touched by the sun
I tried to adjust, I needed to make space 
But she persisted and barred down 
the rhythm sped and intensified 
pulsating heart rates, two spirits writhing in unison
I struggled to catch my breath
Until finally intense orgasmic release  
 
*feel me tighten as you pull away*
 
The pain of yesterday, a life’s worth of burden fades into stillness
 
*Sway sway *
 
I don’t exist to die 
I am dying to exist 
 
*sway sway*
*sway sway*

Picture
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Good Bye

4/21/2019

1 Comment

 
Today is the moment
When we share this place one last time
The road here was beautiful with memories of love, peace and joy
All the lessons you taught
All the wisdom you bestowed upon us we can never thank you enough
Your love was as bright and warm as the glowing sun
Your embrace was reassuring and comforting
You were soft and gentle when we needed protection
You stood tall in the face of adversity
You were honest when it was easier to not be
You were always giving no matter the circumstance
Any moment with you is a highlight on the road of life
Though the moments we shared together are now cherished memories
Your legacy of love and positivity lives on inside all of us lucky enough to share this road with you
Thank you
I love you
Goodbye
 
Dedicated to all my loved ones who are waiting on the other side ​
1 Comment

Vrij Lejden

4/16/2019

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Constant never ending fighting
This Demon burns and suggests
Something worse than dying
That I should pursue past regrets
Give way to temptation and ravish my addiction
Hedonistic in thought
 debauchery in actuality
Appeal to my savior a hollow attempt at contrition
Seduced by arcane whispers to follow Belial into amorality
The metaphysical urges of pursuing my succubus  
Intense Internal stress the value of my transgression
The quite suffering of my conscious
Interpersonal sins have earned me an eternity of subliminal perdition
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The Warmth of Sekhmet

4/16/2019

2 Comments

 
Heat surges through my hands
 
Passion burning from within
 
The tools of my creativity
 
Spark to life, blazing satisfaction to the narcissist
 
Every ember of skill ignites value to all they touch
 
The internal flame that fuels creation burns without prejudice
 
As fire is my gift to the world
 
A torched canvas is the sacrifice.
2 Comments

Honey Pot

4/16/2019

7 Comments

 
To whom it may concern
 
I know we ran out of time
 
It's unfortunate that you couldn't share your life with mine
 
There was a time that we were all we had 
Hand-in-hand we traveled into darkness looking for good and indulging in the bad
 
the catalyst of my desire 
fueled me when I was at my most dire
 
Never giving up constantly persistent
 
Making sure I had enough to be subsistent 
 
 Maintaining my credence 
 Increasing my dependence
 
Accepting of your affliction 
Consumed by your addiction 
 
I wished and prayed that this day would never come
 
The anxiety and fear that our relationship may be done
 
I am scared of living without you by my side
 
Without your influence where else can I hide
 
The world after you've left is a dark and lonely place
 
Every mirror reminds me of your face
 
 I struggle every day to live in this newfound way 
 
It was so much easier when I had you at my side Night and day
 
However the cost of your company was egregious at best
 
For the sake of my sanctity I need to put you to rest
 
I let go of your hand and watch you fade away
 
The travesty is that I know somewhere hidden within me a piece of you will stay
 
Only to return when it's most inopportune
 
With vigor and malice you will attempt to consume
 
You will try to reclaim The relationship that we once had
 
For the last time I'm better without you dad
 ​
7 Comments

Physiognomy

4/16/2019

1 Comment

 
I stand as a shell of what I was
The pageantry all but disappeared
The sting of former glories
A time long since gone away
Despair of a fallen hero is the expression that I leave
 
Judge thy appearance
Cause that’s the version you’ll see
Affix me on your my face
To see what I was
And what you’ll be
 
Once I was the dominant
The patriarchal leader of the hegemonic
The celebrated misogynic
The alpha demonic
 
Judge thy appearance
Cause that’s the version you’ll see
Affix me on your my face
To see what I was
And what you’ll be
 
Committed , Classically ritualistic
The rings of symbology, I attempted to control and deny
La Senora broke the cycle, tired of an ancient hypocrisy
Ella me dejo, 
Alone I beg to die
 
Judge thy appearance
Cause that's the version you'll see
Affix me on your face
To see what I was
And what you'll be
 
Alone for all eternity I see with such clarity
My actions were responsible for my fate
I choose this path when I wore thy mask
 
Judge thy appearance
Cause that's the version you'll see
Affix me on your face
To see what I was
And what you'll be
1 Comment

BI-Polar

4/16/2019

0 Comments

 
Erased from the memory of Father Time
Singularly each part lives within my duality
Two opposing halves to make me whole
 
Her razor an instrument of love and care
Her patience fills the void
Her understanding gives me hope
Her affection rehabilitates my soul
 
She unlocks the happiness within
She accepts what I was and who I will become
She herd what I had to say
She is the addiction in my vein 
 
Aahh!! I am the one who's damned
Inconceivable I could undermine
What is and should be mine
Defeated by addiction  
Restrained by rehabilitation  
Someone give me my fucking medication
 
Her specialty is desire
Rescued me when I was in denial
Lost and loathing Her touch was so comforting
Her presence is intoxicating  
 
She makes me feel eternal
She Ignites the ambers of the forgotten
She has an infectious inner shine
 
Aahh!! I am the one who's damned
Inconceivable I could undermine
What is and should be mine
Defeated by addiction  
Restrained by rehabilitation 
Somebody give me my fucking medication 
 
AAAHHHH!!!
Because of Her and She you and me can never be
Separated lost in duality
We live blind of actuality
You and Me are Her and She
The Fuckin Rehabilitation and Addiction inside of me
AAAHHHHH!!!!!
0 Comments

Victims of Silence (Fade to Black)

4/16/2019

4 Comments

 
A friend of mine is a friend of yours is how we were introduced
Friendly and kind at first
A little flirtatious, enough to keep it funny
But not an invitation
A Few drinks then a couple more
We were all good to go
Said my thank you's and goodbyes
He offered me a ride
we arrived at my house
he caressed my hand and went for a kiss
I pulled back
Said no I don't like you like this
His eyes began to narrow
He hit me with a fist
Wrapped the seatbelt around my neck
I tried to scream I tried to fight back
But I was being suffocated everything faded to black
I awoke laying on the floor
Battered and bruised and worst of all used
I staggered in the house
Daddy he raped me i cried
He looked at me and was furious
I told you not to go out looking like slut
Wearing clothes that accentuate your butt
You were asking for it
You were drinking and flirting what was he supposed to do?
You bring shame to the family
My only daughter out of four
And she is a fucking whore
You're never to speak of this again
because after all it's your sin
months turn to years
Daddy's shame and judgement persist
My silent tears wash away the woman I was
The thought never goes away
Maybe I am the one to blame
I am the villain
I'm the one who fucked up
It's my fault I was raped
Solutions I can only think of one
Knife in hand
Fueled by a bottle of Jack
Cut until my feelings fade to black
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